Tagalog Text Jokes

Joke Joke Joke time! Looking for Tagalog Text Jokes? Search no more ‘coz you’re in the right place. Below is our collection of Tagalog Text Jokes and text messages that you can copy and send to your friends via text/sms or paste in your facebook or twitter accounts. Enjoy!!!

  • Minsan mas masarap masaktan, umasa, lokohin, mapag laruan at gawing tanga, kasi mas natututo tayo, mas tumitibay. Pero ang totoo mas masarap masaktan dahil masarap mag inuman! ehehehe!
    • Boy:tandaan mu lhat ng sa2bihin ko dhil imp0rtante ito?
      Girl: ok anu ba sasabhin mu??
      Boy:ahmmm’,’ mahal na mahal kita lagi m0ng tandaan na andito lng aq, lagi sa tabi mu…!!
      Boy: anu natandaan mu bA?? Girl: (kinilig) ah oo naman,
      Boy: good pakisabi yan sa bestfriend mu, ahH. Tnx!!
    • Sa isang Museum..
      Juan: Ito bang pangit na ‘to ang tinatawag nyo na “ART”?! Ang pangit, nakakasuka! Painting ba to?
      Guide: Hindi po sir, salamin yan! Hahaha!
    • MRS : Bakit ngayon ka lang?
      MR : Pasensha na, nagyaya mga officemates ko, nagkainuman lang. Hehe! Hik,
      MRS: Lasing ka no?
      MR: Ako, lashing? Hindi! Hik
      MRS: Anong hindi?! La ka namang trabaho, pano ka nagka-officemates?
    • May contest (standing ovation contest)
      Mga contestants: Filipino,Amerikano at Koreano.koreano: kumanta ng nobody..
      50% tumayo
      amerikano: kumanta ng single ladies…
      60% tumayo
      filipino: (kinakabahan,nataranta, ndi alam kung anong kakantahin) napakanta ng lupang hinirang..lahat tumayo…

      panalo: filipino!

      • Ang Alamat ng WAKA-WAKA.Noong unang panahon,sina Pedro at Juan ay gumagawa ng homework sa Geography. Nainis si Pedro kasi hindi makita ni Juan ang Africa sa mapa.P: (kinukuha ang mapa) Amin na, mina.
        J: Eh eh, wag ka wag ka, eh eh.
        P: Amin na, mina.Sa kalewa.
        J: Alam na, Ah ah.
        P: Amin na, mina.
        J: Eh eh. Wag ka, wag ka. Eh eh.
        P: Amin na, mina, sa kalewa. coz this is africa.haha:D
        pustahan kumakanta yan.
      • boy: kpg tinanong ba kta eh ssgutin mo ako?girl: onman, un na nga lng hnhntay ko e. (kinilig)boy: ok cge, the summation of 12x raised to the 3rd power ovr 83x+32xy+9y-a multplied by the summation of 5x – 2a wherein a is considrd as constnt?girl: P—– I– M0!
      • Student : Bayad poDriver: Saan po galing ito?Student: sa bulsa ko po.Driver: Ibig ko sabihin, saan k sumakay?

        Student: Sa Jeep nyo po.

        Driver : (Napaka pilosopo neto ah. kulangan ko nga ang sukli–sa isip lang.)

        Student: Mamang Driver, bakit po kulang sukli ko? Magkano po ba ang Gensan?

        Driver: Ah? Bakit bilihin mo?

        LOL

      • Vice:Pepsi nga po.
        Tindera:Iplastic ba?
        Vice:Try mo isako tas lagyan mo ng straw. pwd? Kung ayaw mo, sa karton.
        (Pinlastik ng tindera ung pepsi)
        Tindera:ang bayad mo? Mgba2yad kba?
        Vice:Hnd, mgsusukli. Aq ung tindera kya aq mgsusukli, malamang dba mgba2yad aq kc aq bumili?!
        Tindera:Hnd, ung kalabaw, ung kalabaw ung bumili. Malamang ikaw!
        Vice:Gaya-gaya ka.
        Tindera:Aq?
        Vice:Hnd, ung pepsi.
      • Pedro: Anong ulam ninyo?
        Juan: Blanched green leafy veggie with crushed sweet tomato in sparkling salted sea food.
        Pedro: Wow! Ang sarap naman nun. Ano yun?
        Juan: Talbos ng kamote at bagoong na may pinisang kamatis. Kayo, anong ulam ninyo?
        Pedro: Fish fillet de el nenyo.
        Juan: Wow sosyal! Ano ‘yun?
        Pedro: Tuyo!
      • APO:Lolo, magpaturo po sana ako ng assignment.
        LOLO: Anong subject yan mahal kong apo?
        APO: Tungkol po sa Math.
        LOLO:Alam mo diyan tayo magaling.
        APO:Talaga po lo?
        LOLO:Ba oo.Ano nga ba ang assignment na yan?
        APO: Ito pong FIND THE LCD.
        LOLO:(Nabigla ang lolo)Ano? FIND THE LCD? Naku apo ko, panahon namin hinahanap na yan hanggang ngayon ba hindi pa nahanap?

Jokes and Funny Text Messages

Looking for jokes and funny text messages? Search no more ‘coz you’re in the right place. Below is our collection of jokes and funny text messages and text messages that you can copy and send to your friends via text/sms or paste in your facebook or twitter accounts.

Jokes and Funny Text Messages collection

  • FROG: what does my future hold?
    FAIRY: you’ll meet someone who wants to know everything about you.
    FROG: great! Will I meet her in a party?
    FAIRY: no. in biology class
  • DIVORCE VS. MURDER
    A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, “I would like to buy some cyanide.”The pharmacist asked, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?”The lady replied, “I need it to poison my husband.”The pharmacist’s eye got big and he exclaimed, “Lord have mercy! I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband. That’s against the law! I’ll lose my license! They’ll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen.
    Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide! “The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.
    The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, “Well now, that’s different. You didn’t tell me you had a prescription.”
  • THE ONION AND THE CHRISTMAS TREE
    The family is sitting at the dinner table.The son asks his father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobies are there?”
    The father, surprised, answers, “Well son, there’s three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round & firm. In her thirties & forties, they are like pears, still nice, but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions.”
    “Onions?”
    “Yes, you see them, and they make you cry.??

    This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter says, “Mom, how many types of “willies” are there?
    “The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, “Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In his twenties, his willie is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his thirties & forties, it’s like a birch tree, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree.”
    “A Christmas tree??”
    Yes dear, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only.”

  • NEW BOOTS
    Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. He’s an elderly man and figures he’s not getting any younger. So seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly.He walks into the house and says to his wife:
    “Notice anything different about me?'”
    Margaret looks him over, “Nope” she says.
    Frustrated Bert storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room completely naked except for the boots. Again, he asks, a little louder this time, “Notice anything different NOW?”

    Margaret looks up and says, “Bert, what’s different? It’s hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, and it’ll be hanging down again tomorrow.
    “Furious, Bert yells, “AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT’S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?'” ‘Nope’, she replies.
    Bert Yells ‘CAUSE IT’S LOOKIN’ AT MY NEW BOOTS”
    To which Margaret replies… “Should have bought a hat, Bert, Should have bought a hat.”