Tagalog Filipino Green Jokes

Here’s another collection of tagalog jokes, but this time, with a hint of green-ness 🙂 . Tickle your friends’ imagination with these filipino green jokes

Tagalog Green Jokes Collection

  • Bata : Tay paglaki ko gusto ko katulad mo.
    Tatay: Ang bait ng anak ko, gusto rin maging doctor.
    Bata : Hindi tay!! gusto ko rin tirahin si YAYA!!!
  • DALAWANG LASING ANG SABAY UMIHI.
    Lasing 1 : Pare, sobra ang tigas ng TITI ko, Uuwi na ako at yayariin ko muna si Misis.
    Lasing 2 : Sasama ako sa iyo.
    Lasing 1 : Baket?
    Lasing 2 : E, sa akin ang yang hawak mong TITI eh !!!!
  • Bakit natatakot bumaba ang mga babae sa jeep sa kanto ng TINIO st, sa San Pablo?
    Answer: Kasi ang sigaw ng driver “O yun bababa, KANTO TINIO NA”!!!!!
  • BF: BlowJob mo ako Hon..
    GF: Di ako marunong Hon..
    BF: Madali lang, para ka lang nag sisigarilyo.Hititin mo.
    GF: Ganun!? Palalabasin ko din ba sa ilong?
  • Madre: ano apelyido mo iho?
    Sakristan: Alam nyo na po yun sister! lagi nyo po yun hinahawakan..
    Madre: Susme! BAYAG apelyido mo?
    Sakristan: Sister naman… ROSARIO po!!
  • After having sex, panay pa rin hawak ng girl sa organ ng lalaki..
    BOY: Gusto mo pa ulit ?
    GIRL: Hinde… Namimiss ko lang.. Meron kasi ako nito dati ehh…
  • INA: Hindi ba bilin ko sayo, kapag hinipuan ka ng bf mo sa dede say DONT! Kapag sa pepe say STOP! Bakit nabuntis ka ?
    ANAK: Sabay po kasi hinipo eh,. kaya sabi ko DONT STOP !
  • More tagalog green dirty jokes

  • Nakakasalat
    Sakristan: Father, may libangan din ba ang mga Pari?
    Pari: Oo, naman, pag dating ng hapon, kaming mga pari dito sa bayan ay naglalaro ng Mahjong.
    Sakristan: Bakit po naman Mahjong pa ang napili niyong laro?
    Pari: Kasi, dito lang kami nakakasalat ng flower, Iho!
  • Boy Libog sees his mon licking his father’s balls
    BOY LIBOG : Ano gawa mo mommy?
    MOM : Kain lang mommy ng bola bola
    BOY LIBOG : Takaw naman ni mommy. may bola bola na may lumpia pa!!!
  • Boy LIbog sees his wife giving birth to their child.
    WIFE: Hoy, tulungan mo ako dito!
    Boy Libog came ang struck his penis inside his wife.
    BOY LIBOG: Anak, KAPIT !!!

Tagalog Text Jokes

Joke Joke Joke time! Looking for Tagalog Text Jokes? Search no more ‘coz you’re in the right place. Below is our collection of Tagalog Text Jokes and text messages that you can copy and send to your friends via text/sms or paste in your facebook or twitter accounts. Enjoy!!!

  • Minsan mas masarap masaktan, umasa, lokohin, mapag laruan at gawing tanga, kasi mas natututo tayo, mas tumitibay. Pero ang totoo mas masarap masaktan dahil masarap mag inuman! ehehehe!
    • Boy:tandaan mu lhat ng sa2bihin ko dhil imp0rtante ito?
      Girl: ok anu ba sasabhin mu??
      Boy:ahmmm’,’ mahal na mahal kita lagi m0ng tandaan na andito lng aq, lagi sa tabi mu…!!
      Boy: anu natandaan mu bA?? Girl: (kinilig) ah oo naman,
      Boy: good pakisabi yan sa bestfriend mu, ahH. Tnx!!
    • Sa isang Museum..
      Juan: Ito bang pangit na ‘to ang tinatawag nyo na “ART”?! Ang pangit, nakakasuka! Painting ba to?
      Guide: Hindi po sir, salamin yan! Hahaha!
    • MRS : Bakit ngayon ka lang?
      MR : Pasensha na, nagyaya mga officemates ko, nagkainuman lang. Hehe! Hik,
      MRS: Lasing ka no?
      MR: Ako, lashing? Hindi! Hik
      MRS: Anong hindi?! La ka namang trabaho, pano ka nagka-officemates?
    • May contest (standing ovation contest)
      Mga contestants: Filipino,Amerikano at Koreano.koreano: kumanta ng nobody..
      50% tumayo
      amerikano: kumanta ng single ladies…
      60% tumayo
      filipino: (kinakabahan,nataranta, ndi alam kung anong kakantahin) napakanta ng lupang hinirang..lahat tumayo…

      panalo: filipino!

      • Ang Alamat ng WAKA-WAKA.Noong unang panahon,sina Pedro at Juan ay gumagawa ng homework sa Geography. Nainis si Pedro kasi hindi makita ni Juan ang Africa sa mapa.P: (kinukuha ang mapa) Amin na, mina.
        J: Eh eh, wag ka wag ka, eh eh.
        P: Amin na, mina.Sa kalewa.
        J: Alam na, Ah ah.
        P: Amin na, mina.
        J: Eh eh. Wag ka, wag ka. Eh eh.
        P: Amin na, mina, sa kalewa. coz this is africa.haha:D
        pustahan kumakanta yan.
      • boy: kpg tinanong ba kta eh ssgutin mo ako?girl: onman, un na nga lng hnhntay ko e. (kinilig)boy: ok cge, the summation of 12x raised to the 3rd power ovr 83x+32xy+9y-a multplied by the summation of 5x – 2a wherein a is considrd as constnt?girl: P—– I– M0!
      • Student : Bayad poDriver: Saan po galing ito?Student: sa bulsa ko po.Driver: Ibig ko sabihin, saan k sumakay?

        Student: Sa Jeep nyo po.

        Driver : (Napaka pilosopo neto ah. kulangan ko nga ang sukli–sa isip lang.)

        Student: Mamang Driver, bakit po kulang sukli ko? Magkano po ba ang Gensan?

        Driver: Ah? Bakit bilihin mo?

        LOL

      • Vice:Pepsi nga po.
        Tindera:Iplastic ba?
        Vice:Try mo isako tas lagyan mo ng straw. pwd? Kung ayaw mo, sa karton.
        (Pinlastik ng tindera ung pepsi)
        Tindera:ang bayad mo? Mgba2yad kba?
        Vice:Hnd, mgsusukli. Aq ung tindera kya aq mgsusukli, malamang dba mgba2yad aq kc aq bumili?!
        Tindera:Hnd, ung kalabaw, ung kalabaw ung bumili. Malamang ikaw!
        Vice:Gaya-gaya ka.
        Tindera:Aq?
        Vice:Hnd, ung pepsi.
      • Pedro: Anong ulam ninyo?
        Juan: Blanched green leafy veggie with crushed sweet tomato in sparkling salted sea food.
        Pedro: Wow! Ang sarap naman nun. Ano yun?
        Juan: Talbos ng kamote at bagoong na may pinisang kamatis. Kayo, anong ulam ninyo?
        Pedro: Fish fillet de el nenyo.
        Juan: Wow sosyal! Ano ‘yun?
        Pedro: Tuyo!
      • APO:Lolo, magpaturo po sana ako ng assignment.
        LOLO: Anong subject yan mahal kong apo?
        APO: Tungkol po sa Math.
        LOLO:Alam mo diyan tayo magaling.
        APO:Talaga po lo?
        LOLO:Ba oo.Ano nga ba ang assignment na yan?
        APO: Ito pong FIND THE LCD.
        LOLO:(Nabigla ang lolo)Ano? FIND THE LCD? Naku apo ko, panahon namin hinahanap na yan hanggang ngayon ba hindi pa nahanap?

Pinoy Jokes

Pinoys are fun loving people.. this is evident by exchanging tagalog jokes and pinoy jokes thru texting and emails. Make your friends laugh by sending these tagalog jokes and pinoy jokes.

Pinoy Jokes Collection

  • Ano english ng ‘Baka masuwerte ako’? … ‘Beef Lucky Me’
    Ano english ng ‘Masuwerte ako Inay’? … ‘Lucky me mami’
    Ano english ng ‘Masuwerte akong lalaki?…’Lucky me with egg’ 🙂
  • PASYENTE: Magkano mag pa face lift?
    DOCTOR: Yung complete treatment, PHP145,000.00
    PASYENTE: And mahal! ano ba pinakamura para mag mukha akong bata?
    DOCTOR: Eto Tsupon, 20.00 lang!
  • Boy Abunda: Kung ihahalintulad mo ang iyong sarili sa isang kasangkapan sa bahay, ano ka?
    Mahal: Kachi chimple lang ako ticho boy…Chiguro chupa, mahilig chalaga ako cha chupa…ancharap kachi minchan machulog cha chupa… 🙂
  • Juan to Poso Negro Services on the phone:
    Juan: Hello, Good Morning manong, humihigop po ba kayo ng poso negro?
    PNS: Yes sir, bakit po?
    Juan: Masarap?? 🙂

More Pinoy Jokes

  • Sabi nila, Love make your heart beat fast…
    Your Body feel flushed with excitement, and your mind go around in circles…
    Love kaya yon?!
    O gutom lang?!! 😛
  • During the cremation: All the relatives stood in silence. Everybody was silent till a child suddenly asked out of curiousity…’Ma, hindi pa ba luto?’
  • Did you know that:
    – Cockroaches have fingers and nails?
    -rats are visual learners?
    -ball pens in the earlier times are used as needles in making umbrellas?
    -the saliva of an ostrich is used in making cheese?
    Galing no?
    lahat yan, imbento ko lang hahaha! 🙂
  • Limit your sex life. Do it only on days that start with letter ‘T’
    Tuesday,Thursday, Today, Tonite, Tomorrow, Tatorday, Tanday, Taumaga, Tatanghali, tagabi, tahapon 🙂

Funny Kowts (Quotes)

Looking for funny kowts (quotes)? Search no more ‘coz you’re in the right place. Below is our collection of funny tagalog kowts (quotes) and text messages that you can copy and send to your friends via text/sms or paste in your facebook or twitter accounts.

Funny Kowts (Quotes) Collection

  • It was an ex-PBB housemate (1st batch) who said this: “Big Brother, ginagawa po nila ako laughing stuff…”
  • My friend and I were walking up the stairs of our schools new bldg. She said out of nowhere: “Imagine mo kung di ginawa ‘tong bldg, umaakyat tayo sa hangin?”
  • Nadia Montenegro promoting her movie: “Please watch ‘The Life Story of Julie Vega’, opening na po on the twenty-twoth of November.”
  • In a burger joint I heard a man say: “Miss, isa ngang ‘amusing’ aloha at saka ‘kidney’ meal.” Server: “Dine in po ba or to go?” The man answered: “Ayoko ng sago!”
  • I was making cookies at home when I ran out of cookie sheets, so I called our maid and said: “Manang bili ka nga ng cookie sheet.” And she replied: “Ano po, solo o litro?” (coke is it)

More Funny Tagalog Kowts (Quotes)

  • My friend said: “Ang galing ‘no, yung Ash Wednesday last year , Miyerkules din pumatak!”
  • A non-Christian vendor selling a Last Supper painting: “Ma’am bili po kayo ng frame, maganda po ito, ‘Hesus and Company.”
  • While watching “Apollo 13?, after she heard the line: ” Houston , we have a problem.” My ex-girlfriend asked: “Sino si Houston ?”
  • My aunt was going to the US for the 1st time. She told us: “Nagpapabili ang tita niyo ng ‘autistic’ guitar. Saan ba nakakabili nun?”
  • I once heard an emcee say: “Let’s give her a warm of applause!”
  • Barker ng bus: Ah Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao!!!” Pasahero: “Boss, Cubao?”
  • An officemate of ours told us a story about driving alone in her car: “Alam niyo, pag nag-iisa ako, feeling ko…wala akong kasama…”
  • I had a customer on the line who had a password on his account. I asked for the password but he forgot. I gave him a clue: “It’s a 4-digit number.” He answered, “Uhm…’ROCKY’ ?”
  • I overheard a lady place an order at Starbucks: “One cup of chino please.”
  • An officemate once asked: “Saan sa Quezon City ang Mandaluyong?”
  • I had a meeting with a friend and I noticed that both of us were wearing stripes. He suddenly blurted out: “Uy, stripes din! It’s the color of the day!”
  • When I saw that I got a missed call, I said, “Hey, I got a missed call!” My friend said, “Anong sabi?”
  • We were reviewing for an exam and we were already dead tired. A classmate said, “Hala, brownout!” Pagtingin namin, nakapikit pala siya.
  • A call center agent told a foreign customer regarding the changing of the due date of her credit card: “Ma’am, I already changed your monthly period.”
  • A home economics teacher asked us: “How do you make wet floor and tow duff?” Translation: “How do you make wheat flour and tough dough”.

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Tagalog Jokes

Looking for Tagalog Jokes? here are some Jokes and funny Text Messages that you can read and enjoy. Don’t forget to share them with your friends

Tagalog Jokes

  • Sa panahon ngayon bawal PUMIKIT… Pag ikaw pumikit JOWA mo may KABIT. =p
  • Sa tuwing may tampuhan, madalas sabihin, ‘Sorry di ko sinasadya’….’Sensya na di na mauulit’…’Galit ka pa ba?’… di ba mas masarap pakinggan kung sasabihig ‘Eto P1000.00 bati na tayo ha?’ 🙂
  • Mahirap kapag walang nagmamahal…walang karamay sa problema…madalas walang kausap…malamig ang pasko pati na ang valentines…..Pero ang mas mahirap mag isa……’kapag naka sakay ka sa seesaw! di gagalaw! badtrip!
  • Aaminin ko…sa lahat ng mga ka text ko…ikaw ang gusto ko..masaya kang ka text…IBANG IBA KA SA KANILA……kasi ….di ka nag rereply…
  • DAD: anak bading ka ba?
    SON: aba dad alam nyo ba na takot sa akin ang mga classmates ko? Respetado ako sa school.
    DAD: talaga anak?
    SON: Oo dad! tawag nga nila sa akin… MAHAL NA REYNA!
  • May 2 lalaking magkapatid.
    b1: Gising na dyan, kakain na tayo, pumili ka na don
    Bumangon si b1 at tiningnan kung ano ang ulam.
    B2: o isang tuyo lang yun, ano pagpipilian ko
    B1: ang sabi ko pumili ka kung kakain ka o hindi 😛

More Pinoy Tagalog Jokes

  • Mrs. Tanoy is a very kuripot housewife. When her husband died, she in inquired with the newspaper, asking the price for the obituary. The ad taker said: “300 pesos for 5 words.”
    She said: “Pwede ba 2 words lang? ‘Tanoy dead’ ”
    Ad taker: “No mam. 5 words is the minimum.”
    After thinking for a while, Mrs. Tanoy said: “Ok, para sulit, ilagay mo, “TANOY DEAD, TOYOTA FOR SALE “
  • Bata: Pabili po ng ubas. Tindera: Wala kaming ubas.
    [Kinabukasan…]
    Bata: Pabili po ng ubas.
    Tindera: Wala nga kaming ubas. Isa pang tanong mo, iistapler ko na yang bibig mo!
    [Kinabukasan…]
    Bata: May istapler kayo?
    Tindera: Wala, bakit?
    Bata: Pabili ng ubas.. ^,^
  • An Eat Bulaga contestant was asked by Joey and Vic: “Ano sa Tagalog ang grasshopper?” Contestant: “Ahmm. . .Huling Hapunan?”
  • In Wowowee, the question was: “Kung ang ‘sigaw’ ay ‘shout’ sa Inggles, ano naman sa Tagalog ang ‘whisper’?” The contestant answered: “Napkin!”
  • We were marketing for an org event, when one of my orgmates wanted to clear the definition of the types of sponsors (Major, Minor, Patron, etc.) So she asked her grandma: “Lola, anong mas mataas sa Patron?” Her lola replied: “Patron? Eh di Shell!”


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Tagalog Love Quotes

Looking for Tagalog Love Quotes? Search no more ‘coz you’re in the right place. Below is our collection of Tagalog Love Quotes and text messages that you can copy and send to your friends or paste in your facebook or twitter accounts. Express your feelings now with these Tagalog Love Quotes collection.

Love Quotes Tagalog Collection

Newly Added Tagalog Love Quotes

  • There’s a lot more I miss about you.
    It’s not just the moment we spent,
    The laughs we shared or talks we had.
    I can’t be sure how much
    How much I’m missing you but all I can say is
    Nakakainip pala pag wala ka.
  • Nakita ako katabi ni God at ang ulo
    ko nakasandal sa balikat mo.
    Tinanaong nya ako, “Ano ang langit sayo?”
    Sabi ko, “Dito lang sa tabi ng baby ko”.
  • There are days that you might feel that I don’t remember you. I didn’t even call you.
    What you don’t know is all the time I’ve been waiting to keep in touch with you.
    Ayoko lang pahalata that I really miss you.