Pinoy Jokes

Pinoys are fun loving people.. this is evident by exchanging tagalog jokes and pinoy jokes thru texting and emails. Make your friends laugh by sending these tagalog jokes and pinoy jokes.

Pinoy Jokes Collection

  • Ano english ng ‘Baka masuwerte ako’? … ‘Beef Lucky Me’
    Ano english ng ‘Masuwerte ako Inay’? … ‘Lucky me mami’
    Ano english ng ‘Masuwerte akong lalaki?…’Lucky me with egg’ 🙂
  • PASYENTE: Magkano mag pa face lift?
    DOCTOR: Yung complete treatment, PHP145,000.00
    PASYENTE: And mahal! ano ba pinakamura para mag mukha akong bata?
    DOCTOR: Eto Tsupon, 20.00 lang!
  • Boy Abunda: Kung ihahalintulad mo ang iyong sarili sa isang kasangkapan sa bahay, ano ka?
    Mahal: Kachi chimple lang ako ticho boy…Chiguro chupa, mahilig chalaga ako cha chupa…ancharap kachi minchan machulog cha chupa… 🙂
  • Juan to Poso Negro Services on the phone:
    Juan: Hello, Good Morning manong, humihigop po ba kayo ng poso negro?
    PNS: Yes sir, bakit po?
    Juan: Masarap?? 🙂

More Pinoy Jokes

  • Sabi nila, Love make your heart beat fast…
    Your Body feel flushed with excitement, and your mind go around in circles…
    Love kaya yon?!
    O gutom lang?!! 😛
  • During the cremation: All the relatives stood in silence. Everybody was silent till a child suddenly asked out of curiousity…’Ma, hindi pa ba luto?’
  • Did you know that:
    – Cockroaches have fingers and nails?
    -rats are visual learners?
    -ball pens in the earlier times are used as needles in making umbrellas?
    -the saliva of an ostrich is used in making cheese?
    Galing no?
    lahat yan, imbento ko lang hahaha! 🙂
  • Limit your sex life. Do it only on days that start with letter ‘T’
    Tuesday,Thursday, Today, Tonite, Tomorrow, Tatorday, Tanday, Taumaga, Tatanghali, tagabi, tahapon 🙂

Valentine’s Day Quotes and Messages

Looking for Valentine’s Day Quotes? Search no more ‘coz you’re in the right place. Below is our collection of Valentines Day Quotes and text messages that you can copy and send to your friends via text/sms or paste in your facebook or twitter accounts.

Valentines Day Quotes collection

  • Happy hearts day to those who are taken, still-to-be taken, taken for granted, assumed to be taken, needs to be taken, waiting to be taken, almost taken and those who will never be taken! Spread the LOVE!!!
  • Why do baby angels serve as cupids? that is to remind us that love never grows old… and why cupids’ arrow directed to the heart? To remind us that true love HURTS. Happy Valentine’s Day
  • Valentine’s Day is…….. Single Awareness day 🙂
  • In the spirit of Valentine’s day let’s celebrate LOVE in whatever form it comes….Partners, Family, Friends…. HAPPY HEART’S DAY!!! :*
  • Valentines is not only for lovers… But should also be the time to reflect on our past lovers and hope that they are alive… alone…. and miserable.. lol

More Valentine’s Day Quotes

  • Every moment is a chance to touch someone’s heart, so here I am keeping in touch so you’ll remember that in this world of 6 billion people, you matter to me.. Happy Valentine’s Day
  • I never been good with expressing what I feel..but I hope in some way, somehow I have made you feel that you are very much appreciated…that you’ve just made me enjoy life …thanks for everything… Happy Valentine’s day
  • My voice is too soft for you to hear. My actions are too weak for you to see. But if you would only listen carefully, you’ll hear the sound of my heart that says…from now ’till forever I’ll always be here 🙂 Happy Valentine’s Day

More Valentine’s day quotes to come…

You are currently reading Valentine’s Day Quotes page. Valentine’s day is a special day, tell your loved one’s you remember them on this special day, even simply by sending them some valentines day quotes and text messages.

Jokes and Funny Text Messages

Looking for jokes and funny text messages? Search no more ‘coz you’re in the right place. Below is our collection of jokes and funny text messages and text messages that you can copy and send to your friends via text/sms or paste in your facebook or twitter accounts.

Jokes and Funny Text Messages collection

  • FROG: what does my future hold?
    FAIRY: you’ll meet someone who wants to know everything about you.
    FROG: great! Will I meet her in a party?
    FAIRY: no. in biology class
  • DIVORCE VS. MURDER
    A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, “I would like to buy some cyanide.”The pharmacist asked, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?”The lady replied, “I need it to poison my husband.”The pharmacist’s eye got big and he exclaimed, “Lord have mercy! I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband. That’s against the law! I’ll lose my license! They’ll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen.
    Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide! “The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.
    The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, “Well now, that’s different. You didn’t tell me you had a prescription.”
  • THE ONION AND THE CHRISTMAS TREE
    The family is sitting at the dinner table.The son asks his father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobies are there?”
    The father, surprised, answers, “Well son, there’s three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round & firm. In her thirties & forties, they are like pears, still nice, but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions.”
    “Onions?”
    “Yes, you see them, and they make you cry.??

    This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter says, “Mom, how many types of “willies” are there?
    “The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, “Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In his twenties, his willie is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his thirties & forties, it’s like a birch tree, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree.”
    “A Christmas tree??”
    Yes dear, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only.”

  • NEW BOOTS
    Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. He’s an elderly man and figures he’s not getting any younger. So seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly.He walks into the house and says to his wife:
    “Notice anything different about me?'”
    Margaret looks him over, “Nope” she says.
    Frustrated Bert storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room completely naked except for the boots. Again, he asks, a little louder this time, “Notice anything different NOW?”

    Margaret looks up and says, “Bert, what’s different? It’s hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, and it’ll be hanging down again tomorrow.
    “Furious, Bert yells, “AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT’S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?'” ‘Nope’, she replies.
    Bert Yells ‘CAUSE IT’S LOOKIN’ AT MY NEW BOOTS”
    To which Margaret replies… “Should have bought a hat, Bert, Should have bought a hat.”

Inspirational Quotes and Messages

Looking for inspirational quotes? Below is our collection of inspirational quotes and text messages that you can copy and send to your friends via text/sms or paste in your facebook or twitter accounts.

Inspirational Quotes Collection

  • Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall – Confucius
  • The only way to finding the limits of the possible is by going beyond them into the imposible – Arthur Clarke
  • Do not wait to strike till the iron is hot; but make it hot by striking – William B. Sprague
  • Mistakes are painful when they happen, but years later, a collection of mistakes called experience will lead us to success..
  • Success is like your own shadow, if you try to catch it, you will never succeed, ignore it and walk in your own way… it will follow you..
  • Each moment of our lives is a picture which we had never seen before and which will never see again. So enjoy and live life and make each moment beautiful
  • Never doubt yourself ‘coz it just gives others the chance to doubt you
  • Life is like a music…It has its high notes and low notes. No matter how high or low, KEEP IN TUNE with God and you’ll never go out of tune in the music of life.
  • Whenever you share the goodness in your heart, you always end up a winner because “Life is an echo.” It gives back what you have given!
  • When you share yourself to others, your life begins to find its meaning…but the time you touch the lives of others is the moment you truly started living..
  • A happy heart is a good medicine and a positive mind works healing in your busy schedule..Don’t forget to smile and have a good laugh because it adds color to your life.. God Bless!

Funny Kowts (Quotes)

Looking for funny kowts (quotes)? Search no more ‘coz you’re in the right place. Below is our collection of funny tagalog kowts (quotes) and text messages that you can copy and send to your friends via text/sms or paste in your facebook or twitter accounts.

Funny Kowts (Quotes) Collection

  • It was an ex-PBB housemate (1st batch) who said this: “Big Brother, ginagawa po nila ako laughing stuff…”
  • My friend and I were walking up the stairs of our schools new bldg. She said out of nowhere: “Imagine mo kung di ginawa ‘tong bldg, umaakyat tayo sa hangin?”
  • Nadia Montenegro promoting her movie: “Please watch ‘The Life Story of Julie Vega’, opening na po on the twenty-twoth of November.”
  • In a burger joint I heard a man say: “Miss, isa ngang ‘amusing’ aloha at saka ‘kidney’ meal.” Server: “Dine in po ba or to go?” The man answered: “Ayoko ng sago!”
  • I was making cookies at home when I ran out of cookie sheets, so I called our maid and said: “Manang bili ka nga ng cookie sheet.” And she replied: “Ano po, solo o litro?” (coke is it)

More Funny Tagalog Kowts (Quotes)

  • My friend said: “Ang galing ‘no, yung Ash Wednesday last year , Miyerkules din pumatak!”
  • A non-Christian vendor selling a Last Supper painting: “Ma’am bili po kayo ng frame, maganda po ito, ‘Hesus and Company.”
  • While watching “Apollo 13?, after she heard the line: ” Houston , we have a problem.” My ex-girlfriend asked: “Sino si Houston ?”
  • My aunt was going to the US for the 1st time. She told us: “Nagpapabili ang tita niyo ng ‘autistic’ guitar. Saan ba nakakabili nun?”
  • I once heard an emcee say: “Let’s give her a warm of applause!”
  • Barker ng bus: Ah Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao!!!” Pasahero: “Boss, Cubao?”
  • An officemate of ours told us a story about driving alone in her car: “Alam niyo, pag nag-iisa ako, feeling ko…wala akong kasama…”
  • I had a customer on the line who had a password on his account. I asked for the password but he forgot. I gave him a clue: “It’s a 4-digit number.” He answered, “Uhm…’ROCKY’ ?”
  • I overheard a lady place an order at Starbucks: “One cup of chino please.”
  • An officemate once asked: “Saan sa Quezon City ang Mandaluyong?”
  • I had a meeting with a friend and I noticed that both of us were wearing stripes. He suddenly blurted out: “Uy, stripes din! It’s the color of the day!”
  • When I saw that I got a missed call, I said, “Hey, I got a missed call!” My friend said, “Anong sabi?”
  • We were reviewing for an exam and we were already dead tired. A classmate said, “Hala, brownout!” Pagtingin namin, nakapikit pala siya.
  • A call center agent told a foreign customer regarding the changing of the due date of her credit card: “Ma’am, I already changed your monthly period.”
  • A home economics teacher asked us: “How do you make wet floor and tow duff?” Translation: “How do you make wheat flour and tough dough”.

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